Love is
by hjue44
Summary: Some thoughts and ideas. Maybe you want to tell me how you think about this in the comments... To avoid confusion: this is something I am/was going through and how it continues to have an impact on my life. It also changes how I see characters like Amy, but now, since time went on and my life continues, things evolve and I want to share what I have come to know
1. Chapter 1

_Love_

When you least expecting it, when there's no sign that you will get even close to experiencing this strong, powerful, yet confusing feeling that is love, then you will get to know it. It hits you without any warning and doesn't take care of any circumstances. It just happens and, if it does, you're helplessly lost in its grasp.

But while it can be the most wonderful feeling that you'll ever have, it might as well be a curse. If you ever get to love someone, you'll be walking a dangerous path. Between happiness and passion lurks desperation, waiting to take a hold on you and drain your soul. The man who gives away his heart is bound to this person and separation can be a painful period of time, while togetherness is the happiest of all.

Heartaches and tears, however, are a part of love, just as the smiles and promises are. To deny love is not just a lie you would tell yourself, but a denial of your very person. It is in the nature of all beings to love, but humans got the richest possibility to express it. This talent shouldn't be left unused and people who live and die without it should be mourned for the most. It's a pitiful life without love, and even if you get hurt sometimes, it just keeps going on and on.

But why do we have the need to bound to other people? Why is it that some people decide that death is better than going on with a broken heart from a lost love? The answer is actually simple:

When you love someone, there is the possibility that this feeling disappears someday. But if you truly loved this person, there will always be a part of your heart that belongs to him or her. Love connects people in a deeper way than our minds could ever understand, and when you try to loosen this bound again, you feel like going crazy. Your world will collapse and everything will be hopeless. If every inch of your heart and mind is focused on just one person who means everything to you, and you have to let go, you'll find it to be seemingly impossible. That's when desperation took over.

It is important to listen to your heart and that you know that a lost love isn't the end. Hope is the most persistent thing in the world, and thus you should never lose it. I do believe this, and I swore myself always to be true, even if it is difficult to express the feelings a human mind can feel, 'cause not every time those feelings are clear.

Maybe I just got to know the feeling of love or something that is at least close to it, and maybe I am not that experienced, but I am sure about one thing:

I do believe in love, and I will keep it close to me, forever.

To you, my dearest friend: Even if you don't love me, I will be there for you. I love you so much and I mean the best for you. I want you to be happy, and if this isn't me for you, I will step aside, although it hurts and pains every night.

 _I will never stop loving you._


	2. Chapter 2

„It's a pitiful life without love, even if you get hurt sometimes"

That's what I wrote so long ago when I published the first chapter, the only one I ever intended for this. Mainly, because eight months back, I thought that things wouldn't get any better, or never worth mentioning for me, but also because this is a website for fanfiction, not a place to share your very real own life story and philosophical thoughts on love itself. Yet, here it is, the second chapter.

So what changed my mind? What happened that I believe I should mention it? I tell you:

I fell in love again.

It is somewhat funny, considering that I have this very complicated mindset about this topic, that it took me a rather short amount of time to feel attracted to another person again, especially after what the last time did to me. It changed everything back then, putting me through almost six months of depression and dealing with many issues I had, still, I allowed it to happen again. To be honest, it already happened in November that I fell in love again, I just didn't realize it at first, and neither did my partner. It took until January for us to confess how we feel about each other, and when we finally told our friends, we were informed that for them it had been painfully obvious all along. So I have to correct one of my statements here: Love doesn't just sneak up on you when you least expect it, it also has the ability to stay hidden and wait for the best timing possible.

Now, a year and three days after I first fell in love, and five months since I realized I had done it again, the circumstances couldn't be less complicated without making our relationship seem too out of place to actually exist, we still are together and we both plan to keep it that way. We are both complicated, but I think it is too private to write here, and also boring for you.

With this, I tell you that the two experiences I made couldn't be more different from one another than they are. In the first one, I was rejected but still kept being in love with this girl. I rarely see here these days, but when I do, it is like greeting an old friend. Yes, I was depressed for so long, yes, I went crazy about it, yes, my mind grew very dark during that time, but there is no anger in me. I still "love" her. Not in a romantic way, not in a way that it would compromise my current relationship, but as a friend I can care about and ask if she has any troubles pretty casually.

The current one is a love I get to share, and it is wonderful, probably causing the best moods I ever had, especially after what came before. It is like I said, being in love can mean the worst, but also the best for you. And when I'm down these days, thinking about what would happen if I lost her, then I can't imagine how horrible it would be. This risk of bonding, however, is way worth it. To be honest, it was also worth it back then, I only couldn't see the use of it until the moment I did.

Since then, I talk about these six months that meant so much pain to me as a learning process, which it ultimately was. Without it, I probably wouldn't realize the worth of what I have now. Without it, I would still have to figure out what love actually means to me today, having never written the first chapter of this. Having made this experience, I can truly love today, and I am happy that I can.

So why did I write this?

If you haven't realized, this is about how even the pain and depression of a lost or rejected love can make your heart grow. This shows that there is probably someone for you out there if you are hoping to find the one for you at the moment, you maybe just haven't noticed or found each other yet.

To this dear friend I had loved: I still care about you, even if we don't see each other that much, and I always like it when we do. It reminds me of what happened to me because of you, even though you did very little, never hurting me once.

To the one I love today: I will never abandon you, we both have our issues. But we can stand through this together, I'll be there for you. Don't worry too much about those things, you mean everything to me, and I know how much that truly is, and I would be more than stupid to let you go over what is troubling you. _I love you_


End file.
